The FIA has announced its intention to replace Formula One cars with giant, man-eating lizards such as the one seen at the Singapore Grand Prix.
“We really believe we can return the spectacle to F1 by replacing the cars with reptilian monstrosities,” said President Jean Todt in an interview.
“If people pay to see horses race, I don’t see why they wouldn’t love watching lizards trundle around at 40 kilometers per hour,” added the Frenchman.
Todt went on to deny accusations that he is a lizard person trying to further his species’ cause. “Not sure why anyone would think that,” he remarked, right before snatching a fly mid-air with his tongue.
Bernie Ecclestone stated he was hesitant at first, but then realized the potential value an all-lizard championship might have.
“My advisor told me the lizard was one of those things - oh, I don’t remember what they’re called. Those things the kids call memes, I think.” The F1 supremo stated though he hates doing anything to “appease those dang kids,” he likes having billions of dollars more.
“I like having billions of dollars,” confirmed Ecclestone.
Mercedes and Ferrari are believed to have begun development on their 2017-spec lizards, while Red Bull has been forced to go back to the drawing board following revelations that Godzilla is a dinosaur. McLaren was reportedly shocked and dismayed at the news.
“We haven’t even begun developing our 2015 car and now we have to turn our focus to bloody lizards,” said McLaren Group Chairman Ron Dennis. It is understood Apple is seeking investment in McLaren solely to develop their lizard technology.
More on this as it develops.
(Image via F1's Twitter feed.)