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68 Lines About 34 IndyCars

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Want an informative Indianapolis 500 preview? Well, too bad! Here’s a car-by-car preview set to The Nails’s “88 Lines About 44 Women”.

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Will Power’s not the best at ovals,
But he’s run well here before

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JPM’s raced everything
Never slow in anything

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Helio lost by a second last year
Still won three, overall

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Coletti was born Monegasque
Spent five years in GP2

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Briscoe replaced Mayor Hinch
Once crashed in a pit in Japan

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JRH lead mile 499 in 2011
Hasn’t been up front since

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Jakes’s family sell stairlifts
They’re slightly faster than this car

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Karam’s from Nazareth, PA
Home of Marco & the gang

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Dixon won the pole again
New Zealand’s chief non-lamb export

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TK once seemed cursed in Indy
Until he won in 2013

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Bourdais won in CART a lot
Not so much in F1

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Takuma Sato spun in 1
So close to winning for Letterman

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Graham is desperate for some grip
Hasn’t won anything in seven years

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Seb Saavedra’s hair is wild
He’s yet to win in IndyCar

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Tristan signed late on Thursday
Qualified another car last week

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JD’s cousins race V8s
One’s amazing, one’s not great

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Edward’s family owns the track
Rolled on Sunday, still went fast

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Josef finally won last month
Been very fast since day 1

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Pagenaud’s French and pretty fast
Pronounced “Sighmon”, not “Simown”

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Townsend’s hat is kinda dumb
The Gordon tribute’s a little odd

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Justin Wilson’s 6’4’’
Fastest Honda of them all

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Carlos drives a lower line than anyone else
Hopefully his crashing’s in the past...

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Marco’s lead a lot of laps
Never won here, thanks to Sam

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RHR won last year’s race
Hondas aren’t so fast this time

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Simona’s cars keep catching fire
Spent last year “Testing” Saubers

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Oriol’s a big Dali fan
Running a 1911 tribute one year too soon

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JackHawk’s boss is AJ Foyt
Once slapped Arie Luyendyk

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Conor Daly is my nemesis
Racing for bacon this week

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Tags is Canada’s only hope
Puts lots of effort in his beard

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Pippa’s car’s for charity
Only spinner not to roll this month

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Charlie’s friends with Dominque Wilkins
They share slam dunking abilities

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Bryan Clauson’s dog’s on Twitter
His stepsister was in my Spanish class

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Road & Track thought Gabby was a woman
Not sure they ever figured it out

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Buddy didn’t qualify
At least his car looked pretty good

(All photos and spotter’s guide segments via IndyCar)

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